real life


If you notice, I’m using quite two contradictory categories for this entry. Right now I feel like I’m in a transition between the end of my uni life and the start of my coming to the real world. These are some progress on the projects I’ve written before.

First of all, thesis. Thursday was the announcement of the result and it looked like that I may have almost failed it. My score was exactly the safe passing score, and if I failed the oral test, I had to retake it. My teacher asked me the numbers in which the questions I answered poorly. It was bloody. I was panicking, because I was intimidated by my teacher and it made me feel like I didn’t know the answers even more. I felt like crying trying to string my word one by one to make any sense out of my answers. Even during the article comprehension test, I was freaking trembling and coming out like someone who couldn’t understand a passage. It was torture. Thank God I don’t have to get through it again, because I passed. Barely. At least I passed. I have to make some changes to my outline and hopefully everything will be fine.

Secondly, the promoter project. This morning we held our first General Meeting of Shareholders ever ^^ There were only 5 out 7 present, but it went well! I can’t wait until we can get this baby running.

Thirdly, the portal web project. We’re still waiting for Sasha to finish coding the website, then we’ll immediately test run it :]

Last but not least, The Soulbearer project. It’s going nowhere *sigh* I may have found a publisher, but the novel itself is still zero. Minus even. *sigh*

I’m tired. :(

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New Projects

Today is one of the last remaining days of September 2011, and I have a few months until February 2012 to fulfill the following projects:

It’s a project my friends and I have been pursuing since the first trimester of this year. We were planning to hold a concert for this relatively big famous K-Pop idol, but maybe it was just not meant to be. We were just starting and it seemed like a K-Pop group of this caliber was just too big for us. We withdrew from the project, and another promoter took over the job. The concert will be held on Nov 11th, if you know what I mean ;)

Learning from our mistakes, we decided to take it nice and slow. There will be time for ambitions, but for the beginning, we really should organize our internal needs first. We’re currently establishing the company, and we already have a band in mind whose concert will be held in January 2012. I just hope that it’s a sign that we really should pursue this business, because ever since we’re trying to establish the company, band offers have poured into us like tidal wave. Those offers include bands that I could only dream to watch live when I was little. I’m so excited! Please let this be, so that I won’t have to be a lawyer anymore for the rest of my life.

A couple of my friends offered me a position in a web portal project. The purpose of this web portal is to publish news, and hopefully the kind of news we offer is different than other Indonesian web portals of similar kinds. I said yes to the offer even when they hadn’t finished explaining their idea. I’ve always wanted to drown in media business. But what got me even more was their ambition that was as big as mine. They explained to me their desire of going to printing in a couple of years. Furthermore, a TV station is in mind for the long-term plan. I could see that we had the same dream and ambition. There was no way I could refuse. We’re currently fixing the website and hopefully it can be launched in October ^^

There are 3 stages to graduating this semester: comprehensive test, thesis writing, thesis trial. I’m taking the comprehensive test on Thursday, and I fail it, I won’t be able to move on to the next stage. My thesis topic is the forestry moratorium between Indonesia and Norway that has caused quite a stir in the forestry and mining departments lol I honestly feel quite confident. I’m passionate about my topic and optimistic that I will make it through okay. If everything goes well, I can start writing my thesis by the end of October and I have until December to finish it. Two months. It’s not enough time, but I believe I can do it if I’m focused enough.

So yes! I’m starting to rewrite The Soulbearer :D the most awesome thing about this project is I got an illustrator and a composer to make this project the merrier! I’m currently in the middle of thickening the plot and fixing the pivotal elements of the story, such as characters, landscapes, timeline, etc. I’m going to start rewriting the story on November, just in time for NaNoWriMo. The 30-day deadline will give me a push in finishing the story. After that, I’m gonna find myself a couple of editors, and by 2012, hopefully the book will be finished and I can publish it! I’M SO EXCITED! 8DDDD

Yep, I have so many on my plate and I need to be a superhuman to be able to manage them all. I believe I can do it. My problem is always me being distracted. I have to stop procrastinating and start to get myself a schedule. I think the most important thing of all is to sleep and wake up on time. I also have to keep a healthy diet and do some exercise. I’m sure if I live a healthy habit, it will boost my ability to focus. Let’s start now, shall we? Because between all of these projects, I do still want to have a time for fangirling xD

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Losing Hope

It has been a long time since I stopped considering myself as an Indonesian. Politically. Ever since I learned of the internet, I saw how small the world could be, and that the boundaries of countries were nothing. I’d love to think of myself as a world citizen rather than an Indonesian. One thing to be clear, I’m still much an Indonesian culturally. Being an Indonesian politically and culturally are two different things.

Ever since I was little, I have never really brought up in the traditional custom way. My family is somewhat religious, and the religious teachings have always been somewhat stronger than the traditional Palembang custom. Later I would realize that ever since Islam and Christianity got into this nation, there has never really been a place for the original traditions and customs anymore. It got me thinking. Where is Indonesia?

History used to be a subject I despised. I remember complaining to my Dad. Why do we have to learn history? The events had already passed. He didn’t answer immediately. Eventually, he looked at me and said, remember when you fell and scraped your knees a long time ago when you were younger? Do you ever want to fall again? I told him no. Why? Because it hurt. That’s why we learn history. So that we will never have to experience the same pain again. History became my most favorite subject immediately.

It used to fill me with awe, how our forefathers could defend this country and made it be. We were separated islands, and yet we became one. How was that possible, I would never know. All I knew was what my teachers told me, that turning this country to be wasn’t easy. That it was made by blood and sacrifice. That we had to keep the freedom alive. That is our job. Keeping Indonesia intact.

When I got into university, I guess I learned a bit more about reality. I learned what politic was. I joined this nationalism club, because I had always been secular like that. I learned more about the history of this nation and how it was actually politic that played a big part of our independence and government. I saw how Indonesia has never been a politically stable country since the very beginning. We were very easily swayed by foreign influences. We still are. Governmental and political systems changed in a blink of an eye, making it look as though this country was nothing but a play on a stage that you could change the script yourself just because you didn’t like the way the drama went.

I chose to major in law, because I had a hope that the things I’d learn in this major would help me to change the world. To change history for the better. But the more I dwell in it, the more it breaks my heart. I have experienced first hand those things we call corruption, collusion, and nepotism. They’re real. And still very much in practice. I have met people who weren’t willing to fulfill their obligations unless you pay them. The money they were not supposed to accept. Just this morning I had to go through the same events all over again and it truly broke my heart. On the way home, in the taxi, I couldn’t help the tears falling from my eyes. That was probably the first time I literally cried for this country. There is just no hope.

There is no Indonesia. In forestry history, in the past, there was only indigenous forest owned by indigenous people. These are their lands. They give up their lands on behalf of one nation, Indonesia. And what has this country done to these lands? They sell them to foreign parties, exploit them, burn them, destroy them. The indigenous people, the rightful and true owners of these lands, are left to live a poor life. Never to become better. To think that there actually has never been Indonesia.

I’m working to the bone, day and night, helping these foreign fuckers to take the generous amount of living sources in Indonesia. I often wonder if I’m doing the right thing. Somehow, knowing that I’ve stopped being an Indonesian politically, justifies my continuing this job. Though it breaks my heart from time to time. This country is so rich, and yet its people are so poor. Indonesia is too goddamn rich to be left alone by the powerful countries. They can’t help for Indonesia to stand on its two feet. We are their sources of life.

And yet look what we’ve become. Every day there are always things that bring tears to my eyes. This country is hopeless. I’ve lost all confidence in Republic of Indonesia, and I can’t blame those who have left this country, never to return. Living in this place saddens me to no end. I suggest we go back to the way we were, when we were still a Nusantara.

Indonesia, you’ve broken my heart. I can’t help blaming Soekarno for being the villain.

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