I miss the feeling of falling love. That kind of feeling that elates you every minuted of every day. That kind of feeling when you can’t stop thinking about him. When you can’t get him out of your mind. When your heart beats out of its chest, waiting for that one text message, of him checking how you are. That feeling that brings a smile to your face when you catches him looking at you. Thinking of you. Knowing that after all the hardships of the day, there’s someone you can come home to in the evening. I miss that feeling.
It’s been a while. I know I can be with someone. But I don’t know why I choose not to. Everyone has no control over their heart, and I guess me too. I have no control over who I want my heart to open up to. It remains to be locked and all I seem to do is force people to open it up for me. When I don’t have the will to open it up myself. Like it has frozen for centuries and whichever hand tries to get close will rot because of hypothermia.
I cried again today. I cried because there’s nothing I can do about a certain someone even though I want to. Is it always like that? I cried even more knowing that I cried alone. I cried because I wanted someone who stuck around. I want someone who sticks around. I’m almost convinced that maybe the problem is me. But I don’t want to think that way. I don’t want to.
I miss the feeling of falling in love. That kind of feeling that excites you just to see the tip of his nose. Whoever he is.